Buying a Condo!

It's a bitch!....

That is all.

Kanye West Swag Bucks

So, I have been using Kanye West's search engine since it was released last year. The premise is that it aggregates search results from Google and Ask.com. In addition to integrated results from what appears to be a totally different algorithm than either of the engines natively use, also it is a rewards based search.

The parent company, Prodege, supports a variety of branded search engines and you can use your rewards across them all. The problem however, is that it takes what seems to be an eternity to get any of the junk they offer. Not only does it take forever to collect "Swag Bucks" but they switch the prizes around so often that even if you did, by some miracle obtain enough to claim something you actually want, chances are it won't be there.

If you have the patience or want to see for yourself take a look
Search With Kanye West Good Luck!

Not Enough Rhyme Time

What's wrong with the world today? Too many people living in dismay. I don't know why but people don't play even though it makes all the difference just what you say.

Folks don't want to rhyme, not even for a dime. They just want conversation as irritating as a train pullin' in the station. It's as bad as a mad fad wearing plaid even if just a tad.

On the web too, posts are of few with no talking in verse, simply making things worse.

So lets start the new craze and hope for the praise that is sure to daze a faze causing heads to spin and eyes to glaze with a simple phrase. Keep up the speech that makes people screech to a halt though its not their fault. Now is the time and this is the trend that is certain to mend and bend and get you a friend. It always brings a smile that's long as the nile or at least a mile.

G'day

Old Women Smellin' of Moth Balls

Who doesn't love the fall? Leaves are changing to beautiful hues, the fun of Halloween awaits, Thanksgiving dinner is just around the bend. Ohh yeah...and old ladies decide it is the best time of year to pull the old winter duds out of storage. And of course you wouldn't want a swarm of moths infiltrating and dissecting your precious garments now would you?


NO! of course not. Enter, MOTH BALLS. These handy little suckers do the job at keeping your 30 year old jacket that has no insulation left anyways, out of harms way and clear of pests. While protecting your goods may be a key benefit, what about the drawbacks?

Namely, STINKIN' LIKE YOUR GRANDMA'S STORAGE CLOSET. How in God's name can these old farts not understand that keeping something sealed with pungent chemicals does not just vanish when they come in contact with fresh air?!?!

So that leads me to my newest gripe. Please folks, after you take your junk out of storage give it a wash. Sensory adaptation doesn't set in that quickly...give it a good whiff and if it smells capable of potentially claiming the lives of some unsuspecting passers-by (or even better - seat partners on the train) please think twice before tossing it on.

kthx!

Being Neglected by Digg

Digg.com is by far my favorite source for news and interesting stories. The problem is that my great stories never make it to the front page. In fact they rarely ever get more than 10 diggs!

Take for example this little doozey that I submitted a week or so ago...
Republicans Just Want to be Entertained for Petes Sake

I thought it was pretty good...other Diggers, obviously not, right? Maybe that's not quite the case. I am taking another approach. Step 1: Go on a friend-adding rampage compiling a network of the top users (maybe I can just be 'friends' with all of Digg!). Step 2: Shout my stories to them until I get the respect me and my stories deserve.

I will update the progress with any successes or failures.

p.s. - *this particular post may or may not align with my political stances or party affiliations*

Sore Throats

I always used to think people that complained about being sick were just a bunch of candy-asses. Well now I'm eating my own words, well I would if I could actually swallow enough to eat anything other than broth.

Being sick blows!

I was just about over this thing, but some how managed to brilliantly re-infect myself. I like to think of this time around as the germs just taking a little victory lap, because they will not be back for a long long time.

Sweat...On Trains...On Me

It's not even all that hot out today, yet I still arrive at work a swampy mess.

What's the cause? Extremely horrible train car choice and a splash of bad luck to boot. While the Red Line is usually a little mild, the air conditioning units typically do an adequate job to at least keep the majority of sweat at bay. Today however was an entirely different story...and this isn't the first time.

So long story short, my new strategy for summer and other warm weather commutes will be to closely examine the body language of passengers as the train enters the station. Then, I will be sure to avoid the cars that are nearly empty and passengers that did decide to stay look like they could keel over from heat stroke at any given moment.

The other solution of course, protest the CTA until they install free deodorant dispensers in every vehicle! But then again, there's the risk of a previously mentioned (dig through the archives) irritant.

Apple Earbuds, more like Earduds...

Yes...that was horrible but it needed to be done. I completely love my iPhone and every iPod I have ever owned and if I could afford it, I know I would love a MACBook Pro. Although apple needs to learn how to make headphones, reasons follow below:

• The plastic material sticks to everything
• They don't stay in your ears
• The microphone on the iPhone set is horrible and catches on your clothes, it's called seamless integration apple, make the cord one seamless piece! Not that hard!
• They get dirty instantly. Nothing like looking like a dirtball fresh from the jog on the train, while you're next to hottie McBusiness Skirt everyday!
• No neck slide or cord corral, whatever that piece is called on every other pair of headphones on the market.
• The audio and bass response is horrible (i know they are packaged headphones, but damn.)
• This is actually a 50/50 gripe but the iPhone headset actually is covered, but only for a year. I'm on my third set in less than 7 months...guess I'm screwed in a few months.

I would never use them except they come in handy when multitasking on conference calls. I'm going to have to find something more sturdy.

Protein Shakes with Chunks

I bought about 10 protein shakes from the gym to keep in the fridge for my healthy living fix. well i can make it about half way through each of these drinks before running into some delicious chunks. there's nothing better than running into a cold, lump, soft ball of protein that makes my appetite go from hungry to puke. those 10 drinks will be my last. blend fresh!

Crosswalk Calamity: The Standoff

You stroll up to the only part of the road designated for pedestrians. As you approach, your worst nightmare becomes a shocking reality. An automobile and you are about to go head to head, who crosses first?

Standing at the corner, your good manners take over and you try your best to make an apparent stop so that the car can proceed. Unfortunately, the operator of the vehicle had the same well-behaved upbringing as you. He nods his head and waves his had, excitedly motioning for you to go ahead and take the right of way. You step of the curb hesitantly and that split second was just enough to indicate he should pull on through. You quickly draw back and he takes notice, slamming on his brakes. The dreaded eye contact is made and you feel the tension escalating. In your mind, imagery of Clint Eastwood as the gun slinging bandit, Tuco, pass through your mind. The song from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly quickly becomes your living soundtrack. Just like a duel at high noon you have to act fast. After a quick reset, it begins again. You start the voyage across the seemingly endless highway making certain to stay within the trusty marked lines.

Crisis averted, you make it past the front of his car but out of rage he feels the need to quickly punch the gas and accelerate past like a racer exiting the pits. Necessary? I don't know, but both of us are left with a salty taste and just a bit of animosity.

Swarms of Bugs

I don't think this needs to be elaborate. Bugs suck, many bugs in one area sucks more...

Lazy People on the CTA!!!

So on my always non enjoyable trip to the Loop today, another one of my ever growing pet peeves struck. The "Lazy Person" on the bus or train. A woman (and a younger woman I might add; maybe 26 at the most) was asked by an elderly lady to move her large bag so that she could sit down, and was immediately told "No!" "Excuse me?" Replied the elderly lady. With no response and continuance of earbuds still blaring, the elderly lady preceded to do nothing but be polite and stand. All the meanwhile the entire bus filled with YUPPIE's from the Lakeview and Lincoln Park area remained planted in their seats, checking emails, listening to iPods, and/or reading the RedEye. That is until one gentleman around I would say 35, stood up to let the elderly woman have his seat and then began his verbal assault on the young woman. Once he started, the beat down that ensued was epic, and then of course others began to chime in to brutally accuse this woman of being a lazy-ass. Although it got pretty ugly, I couldn't help but think to myself that it was slightly necessary. This lady was ridiculous, the rebuttals that she came with were so unwarranted I doubt she graduated high-school, or had a pulse. I mean, I think I heard her say something on the line of "Well if she's too old to stand up on the bus, she shouldn't be riding the bus!"

I cannot believe the complete disregard people have for senior citizens sometimes! Yes, they are slow, yes they are sometimes out of touch, but guess what...? You will be one in no time at all!!! I am a Yuppie, and will admit it, I am young (sort of), I live on the Northside of the city, and I have a "professional" job so there for I am one. Although, I have that stigma attached to my general demographic position, I will never be and have never been a lazy person! Let alone an inconsiderate A-hole!

Innappropriate Bedding for the Seasonal Conditions

FACT: Flannel is a lovely fabric with great appeal. It can be turned into just about anything from kick-ass vests and shirts to exceptional lounge pants. Since as far back as 16th century Wales lumberjacks, farmers, grungers and college students alike have long enjoyed the utility and warmth flannel has to offer.

FACT: I enjoy sleeping in a bed. Nothing beats floating away to dreamland like the comfort of your own beddy.

FICTION: It is pleasant to sleep whens it's extremely hot out in the aforementioned bed when the only set of sheets and pillow sacs you own is constructed of the aforementioned fabric.

The truth of the matter is that the heat generating wefts of flannel make this fabric, by far, the worst possible choice for summertime zzz's. As I just took a shower, I find myself slightly enraged that I am now forced to do it all over again in the morning, thanks solely to my flannel sheets. The excess of perspiration conjoined with the sheer uncomfortableness and inability to sleep could quite possible envoke long-term tramatic effects on me.

POSSIBLE (and most likely) SOLUTION: Sleep standing up in a cold shower and pray that I don't drown.

Free television that's no longer free

Apparently RCN has discovered their little glitch with HD channels.

So a few months ago, the good folks at RCN cable decided to expand their high def channel lineup to become more competitive with alternative suppliers. During this upgrade, our package stayed the same but all of a sudden we started getting the premium movie channels as well. I am certain this was in error because we were still blocked from the non-HD premium channels. Of course there was no need to say anything because it would have been a quick fix.

It was good while it lasted, but no more. It was only a matter of time, but the HD premium channels are now blocked which means no more movies for us. I suppose this gripe is only an offshoot of the all-encompassing root problem of cable that costs way more than its worth and still there is nothing on tv. Thank goodness for the internet!

Pigeons; those flying rat city scumbags

Walking peacefully down the sidewalk minding your own business. Eyes locked, it just you and the nasty looking nemesis. What's you're next move? What's his?

You decide to proceed past ready to dodge at moments notice. Step after step, eyes still locked. You get about a step away and the next thing you know that beady eyed little varmint makes a line drive, screaming right at you face. His wings stir the air around your head and then he is up, off and away. Your nerves are on edge and it takes a while for your heart to slow to a normal pace. Crisis mainly averted, what do you see a few feet ahead? That's right, another dirty pigeon.

Ohh the city life...

Children on Motorized Scooters

Here's the thing. Children in general are annoying. Throw in the fact that it's summer vacation and they literally have a whole day to fill with annoyingness.... yea, well that's where the bananas come in. Whatever parent decided to buy their children motorized scooters deserves to be shot. One, you're making your children lazy and fat. Two, you've basically created life size bees that buzz back and forth and back and forth on the same patch of pavement. Are these children as brainless as bees too? How can this possibly be fun??
Don't even get me started on the chance that I might want to actually walk on the sidewalk instead of being driven into the poo-infested patches of grass.

Loud emergency vehicles

While they serve a good purpose and mean well, sometimes you just want some peace and quite. There are at most three scenarios that can explain why a vehicle needs an obnoxious blasting siren:

Someone is in distress: We know the person who’s injured or ailing probably isn’t going anywhere so take your time.

Someone did something bad: They can only run so long. Call the helicopter and burn some of taxpayers moolah on chopper fuel.

Absolute Emergency: Crank those puppies up and wake me up only under this circumstance, but please…a person who fell over on their bike does not require the decibel of sound that wakes me from a coma.

When the deodorant is just about gone!

You know exactly what I’m talking about. You click the dial to push up a few more precious swipes and can sort of see the bottom of the plastic base, but you say to yourself, “what the heck, go for it, that’s plenty for this time at least.” You proceed to place the stick under your arm, gently coating pit number 1. Then it’s on to pit dos and disaster strikes. The first few strokes go on fine, then…SCRAAAATCH!*!11!!!11!. The plastic of the container ferociously digs into the suble skin of the pit. You are left battered and bruised, the pit skin still pulsing in the wounded area. Ohh, it will go away…you might forget after a while, but you will never forgive