Protein Shakes with Chunks

I bought about 10 protein shakes from the gym to keep in the fridge for my healthy living fix. well i can make it about half way through each of these drinks before running into some delicious chunks. there's nothing better than running into a cold, lump, soft ball of protein that makes my appetite go from hungry to puke. those 10 drinks will be my last. blend fresh!

Crosswalk Calamity: The Standoff

You stroll up to the only part of the road designated for pedestrians. As you approach, your worst nightmare becomes a shocking reality. An automobile and you are about to go head to head, who crosses first?

Standing at the corner, your good manners take over and you try your best to make an apparent stop so that the car can proceed. Unfortunately, the operator of the vehicle had the same well-behaved upbringing as you. He nods his head and waves his had, excitedly motioning for you to go ahead and take the right of way. You step of the curb hesitantly and that split second was just enough to indicate he should pull on through. You quickly draw back and he takes notice, slamming on his brakes. The dreaded eye contact is made and you feel the tension escalating. In your mind, imagery of Clint Eastwood as the gun slinging bandit, Tuco, pass through your mind. The song from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly quickly becomes your living soundtrack. Just like a duel at high noon you have to act fast. After a quick reset, it begins again. You start the voyage across the seemingly endless highway making certain to stay within the trusty marked lines.

Crisis averted, you make it past the front of his car but out of rage he feels the need to quickly punch the gas and accelerate past like a racer exiting the pits. Necessary? I don't know, but both of us are left with a salty taste and just a bit of animosity.

Swarms of Bugs

I don't think this needs to be elaborate. Bugs suck, many bugs in one area sucks more...

Lazy People on the CTA!!!

So on my always non enjoyable trip to the Loop today, another one of my ever growing pet peeves struck. The "Lazy Person" on the bus or train. A woman (and a younger woman I might add; maybe 26 at the most) was asked by an elderly lady to move her large bag so that she could sit down, and was immediately told "No!" "Excuse me?" Replied the elderly lady. With no response and continuance of earbuds still blaring, the elderly lady preceded to do nothing but be polite and stand. All the meanwhile the entire bus filled with YUPPIE's from the Lakeview and Lincoln Park area remained planted in their seats, checking emails, listening to iPods, and/or reading the RedEye. That is until one gentleman around I would say 35, stood up to let the elderly woman have his seat and then began his verbal assault on the young woman. Once he started, the beat down that ensued was epic, and then of course others began to chime in to brutally accuse this woman of being a lazy-ass. Although it got pretty ugly, I couldn't help but think to myself that it was slightly necessary. This lady was ridiculous, the rebuttals that she came with were so unwarranted I doubt she graduated high-school, or had a pulse. I mean, I think I heard her say something on the line of "Well if she's too old to stand up on the bus, she shouldn't be riding the bus!"

I cannot believe the complete disregard people have for senior citizens sometimes! Yes, they are slow, yes they are sometimes out of touch, but guess what...? You will be one in no time at all!!! I am a Yuppie, and will admit it, I am young (sort of), I live on the Northside of the city, and I have a "professional" job so there for I am one. Although, I have that stigma attached to my general demographic position, I will never be and have never been a lazy person! Let alone an inconsiderate A-hole!

Innappropriate Bedding for the Seasonal Conditions

FACT: Flannel is a lovely fabric with great appeal. It can be turned into just about anything from kick-ass vests and shirts to exceptional lounge pants. Since as far back as 16th century Wales lumberjacks, farmers, grungers and college students alike have long enjoyed the utility and warmth flannel has to offer.

FACT: I enjoy sleeping in a bed. Nothing beats floating away to dreamland like the comfort of your own beddy.

FICTION: It is pleasant to sleep whens it's extremely hot out in the aforementioned bed when the only set of sheets and pillow sacs you own is constructed of the aforementioned fabric.

The truth of the matter is that the heat generating wefts of flannel make this fabric, by far, the worst possible choice for summertime zzz's. As I just took a shower, I find myself slightly enraged that I am now forced to do it all over again in the morning, thanks solely to my flannel sheets. The excess of perspiration conjoined with the sheer uncomfortableness and inability to sleep could quite possible envoke long-term tramatic effects on me.

POSSIBLE (and most likely) SOLUTION: Sleep standing up in a cold shower and pray that I don't drown.

Free television that's no longer free

Apparently RCN has discovered their little glitch with HD channels.

So a few months ago, the good folks at RCN cable decided to expand their high def channel lineup to become more competitive with alternative suppliers. During this upgrade, our package stayed the same but all of a sudden we started getting the premium movie channels as well. I am certain this was in error because we were still blocked from the non-HD premium channels. Of course there was no need to say anything because it would have been a quick fix.

It was good while it lasted, but no more. It was only a matter of time, but the HD premium channels are now blocked which means no more movies for us. I suppose this gripe is only an offshoot of the all-encompassing root problem of cable that costs way more than its worth and still there is nothing on tv. Thank goodness for the internet!

Pigeons; those flying rat city scumbags

Walking peacefully down the sidewalk minding your own business. Eyes locked, it just you and the nasty looking nemesis. What's you're next move? What's his?

You decide to proceed past ready to dodge at moments notice. Step after step, eyes still locked. You get about a step away and the next thing you know that beady eyed little varmint makes a line drive, screaming right at you face. His wings stir the air around your head and then he is up, off and away. Your nerves are on edge and it takes a while for your heart to slow to a normal pace. Crisis mainly averted, what do you see a few feet ahead? That's right, another dirty pigeon.

Ohh the city life...

Children on Motorized Scooters

Here's the thing. Children in general are annoying. Throw in the fact that it's summer vacation and they literally have a whole day to fill with annoyingness.... yea, well that's where the bananas come in. Whatever parent decided to buy their children motorized scooters deserves to be shot. One, you're making your children lazy and fat. Two, you've basically created life size bees that buzz back and forth and back and forth on the same patch of pavement. Are these children as brainless as bees too? How can this possibly be fun??
Don't even get me started on the chance that I might want to actually walk on the sidewalk instead of being driven into the poo-infested patches of grass.

Loud emergency vehicles

While they serve a good purpose and mean well, sometimes you just want some peace and quite. There are at most three scenarios that can explain why a vehicle needs an obnoxious blasting siren:

Someone is in distress: We know the person who’s injured or ailing probably isn’t going anywhere so take your time.

Someone did something bad: They can only run so long. Call the helicopter and burn some of taxpayers moolah on chopper fuel.

Absolute Emergency: Crank those puppies up and wake me up only under this circumstance, but please…a person who fell over on their bike does not require the decibel of sound that wakes me from a coma.

When the deodorant is just about gone!

You know exactly what I’m talking about. You click the dial to push up a few more precious swipes and can sort of see the bottom of the plastic base, but you say to yourself, “what the heck, go for it, that’s plenty for this time at least.” You proceed to place the stick under your arm, gently coating pit number 1. Then it’s on to pit dos and disaster strikes. The first few strokes go on fine, then…SCRAAAATCH!*!11!!!11!. The plastic of the container ferociously digs into the suble skin of the pit. You are left battered and bruised, the pit skin still pulsing in the wounded area. Ohh, it will go away…you might forget after a while, but you will never forgive